Because it is not recognising "lol TAB key": 'Miss a line'=New Paragraph
Chapter 1-In The Beginning
Many eons ago, a group of the wisest wizards and warlocks in the land of Warble were suffering from chronic boredom, and so brought it upon themselves to begin a religious sect, The Church of Boris, named by their leader, the aptly named Boris Warlockson. They set up the Church in the Year 0 AB (After Boris, The year 0 AB is also known as "JAB or RAB", Just After Boris and Right After Boris respectively). Despite the fact that boredom can do terrible things to a warlocks mind, the other reason for setting up the church was that they wanted nationwide recognition for their excessive magical talents, and also because they figured they'd look good in flowing purple gowns and jester hats. Years progressed uneventfully, the Wizards and Warlocks obtained the fame they so badly wanted, and they earned themselves many followers, who adjusted very quickly to the Churches way of life: It was identical to their lifestyle before Boris, just now they believed they had found contentment. A few millennia passed and they began dabbling in the occult, as after 3500 years of sustained existence on silty mineral water and unbuttered cress sandwiches, there body's were definatly beginning to show the signs of stress, even though they were slowing the aging process with some strange brand of magic, they had realized that they now all looked at least over 35 and were not chuffed with this in general. They sought to bring immortal life to themselves, and also to keep their bodies as dashing as possible, sadly, they failed. They brought an unspeakable evil into the World, an evil which would manifest itself and feed on the very World's lifeforce in order to recuperate. They summoned the God of the Slimes, otherwise known as Giga Slime.
Giga Slime had the power of all of the elements of the World in which they lived inside of him (These were Fire, Ice, Lightning, Earth, Water, Air, Venom and Darkness, the remaining 3 elements were not discovered until a long time after the fight (Holy, Dragon and Magna) by accident where various people throughout Warble's History had disintegrated graveyards and called forth huge, whopping great Dragons by mistake) he was the very spirit of their worlds existence, but non-spirit, alive, and slimy. They fought with him, there in the main hall of the Cathedral. He slaughtered them mercilessly. Their numbers dwindled by the minute. They dropped like flies, from 56, to 19, to 10. Finally, their were just two of them remaining. Boris and his personal love interest, Opera Magicite. Despite the fact Giga Slime has been considerably weakened, Boris could tell, it was beginning to get smaller as flecks of its slime either dissolved into the ground or evaporated into the air, its attack was still relentless. Boris saw the tentacle before Opera did, which wasn't too difficult considering she was straightening her hair at the time.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Cried out Boris.
"What the Boris do you want?" was the reply called back from Opera, getting distracted from her flowing blonde locks.
"Look out you dim-witted Blonde!" Boris cursed back at her.
Just then there was a sound from Giga Slime that sounded like a cross between a gurgle and "Schlumpy!".
The tentacle struck her hard across the torso, Opera shrieked and then did not utter another sound as she was flung across the room. She crashed into one of the ornate marble and gold pillars which had “Long Live The Good King Boris†inscribed on it in childish writing, even though Boris was not actually a King per se, he just liked the Title.
“For that, I am going to smite you, you infernal jelly-like behemoth of the rather large varietyâ€, Boris calmly said to the gigantic beast before him.
It turned to face him, its strangely vacant eyes appeared to look straight through him, as though he were nothing before the Great Giga Slime. In all fairness, he was hardly a match for it, but Boris realized he had one trick left up his sleeve: He decided he would try and implode the slime with his magical talents.
Boris raised his hands and whirled around in an outlandishly camp fashion, before several rays of silver light shot from his finger tips and shot straight at the Giga Slime at a blinding speed. Not surprisingly, the Slime didn’t even blink. The arrows of light penetrated its wobbling skin and caused it to ripple pointlessly for a short while, before it promptly erupted and showered the surrounding area in a thick, goopy substance.
Boris braced himself and tightly shut his eyes. He heard the goop spattering violently all around him and felt some collide forcefully with his lower abdomen. At first he felt nothing. Then he opened his eyes and felt a tingling sensation where the slime was now molded to his skin, having ripped his luxurious purple gown.
“Awww Boris, where in Warble can I get a new one of the-ARGH!†he screamed, as the tingling had now been replaced with an immense burning pain.
“Well Borisâ€, he thought to himself, “It appears I shall be pushing up the daises relatively soon.
Boris knew his time was short, and reluctant to depart from the mortal world without leaving a last impression, he staggered around in random directions until he happened upon a large, slime-free slab in the midst of the cathedral’s ruins, and engraved a message onto it with his magical talents. He engraved a prophecy speaking of Giga Slime and its potential return to the mortal world, yet at the time he was engraving it, he had no idea that his prophecy could be true.
The prophecy was found mere minutes after his death, nearby villagers had heard the commotion and the sounds of the battle (From Warble, no less, where they were going about their daily routines) and had rushed to the Cathedral to see what the trouble was. What they saw upon reaching their destination chilled them to their very bones. The entire site was completely destroyed and lay in ruins, all of the wizards and warlocks lying dead in various painful looking positions, painful had they been alive, that is, and what left of the surrounding area coated in a form of, thick, sticky, highly toxic sludge. In fact, many villagers began to feel nauseas from merely going near the ruins. Those that could stomach the feelings ventured inside, treading carefully so as not to step on any bodies or in any slime. As they crept inside, they happened upon the large marble slab which had the prophecy engraved upon its cold, shiny surface, and were horrified by what they read.
“When the time comes that the Slime crawl across the Earth, feasting upon the living as sacrifices to their God, the Giga Slime, in order to return him to the mortal realm and begin his reign of terror over our World, Four Almighty Heroes shalt emerge, dubbed ‘The Shining Farce’. The Shining Farce shalt thwart Giga Slime and banish him from all planes of existence, be they ethereal or material. They shalt restore the power to the Elemental Beacons to prevent Giga Slime from ever returning andâ€.
Boris did not have time to complete his farcical prophecy (which is somewhat irrelevant, as even while he was carving it he had no idea what he was raving about.) which horrified the villagers more. Partly because the slime had burned into his innards and he had bled to death, as denoted by the sarcastically large and somewhat circular blood pool surrounding his cold, motionless body, and partly because the prophecy was unfinished: They didn’t know what other nightmares were in store, or when these horrors would come about. Luckily for the first generation of ‘Prophecites’, it was not during their lifetime. Nor their children’s. Or their grandchildren’s for that matter. In fact, many hundreds of years passed without incident
As for the second half of the prophecy, many a brave and foolish explorer ventured forth from Warble seeking to find it, although no-one really knew if such a thing existed or was really a myth. However, all of the adventurer’s never returned…..or did so in pieces or in a box wooden box. Sadly for Warble, it is forced to be a very highly self-sufficient Country, for it was not established in the most fruitful of locations: On a somewhat small Island, surrounded by towering, imposing mountains, upon which gigantic waves constantly crashed down, slowly eating away at the immense rocky wall protecting Warble, one day going to swallow the town in its sweeping blue-grey liquid matter. To make matters worse, the Island is host to voracious packs of goblins and orcs. These putrid beasts roam the Island at night and live in small holes in the ground which they carefully cover over whenever they leave or enter their lairs. Any person unfortunate enough to fall into the 8 foot hole is promptly eaten. With all these tremendously cruel features, Warble is very isolated and cut off from most of the rest of the World…
And this is where our tale begins, precisely 1337 years after the incident at St Boris’s Cathedral (Boris was quickly made a Saint in order to honour his demise), in the year 4889 AB, in the town or Warble, in a smallish house of average financial value, on the upper floor is where we meet the Hero of our tale, Skye, who is currently sleeping, completely unaware of the events that will conspire in the next day, a tale is about to unfold, a tale of swords and sillyness, monsters and mishaps, his very own legend is about to become a reality.
A dull thud resonated through the darkness.
“Thank Boris for that, that prologue was long enough, I mean, was all that really necessary?†came a voice seemingly from nowhere
There was silence for a few moments.
“Hey! Wait! Is this Boris damn Mic STILL on!?â€.
At just that moment, Skye awoke with a start.
Chapter 2-The Shining Farce
Coming soon :o
