The Sonic Center Constitution of Infallibility
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SECTION I: ITEMS PERTAINING TO THE SONIC CENTER
Overview: The Sonic Center is the best site ever. Under no circumstances is this statement to be challenged, and any User who challenges this statement will be subject to the BANHAMMER.
TSC specializes in the completion of Sonic games at an exceptionally high standard. Its Users carry this standard into all its other facets of their daily lives: high standards of ethical and moral conduct, intelligence and melee combat are paramount.
Part I — Roles of Users
* Rolken — The former site owner, spiritual leader and former wielder of the BANHAMMER at TSC, his word is law, unless it contradicts any statement in this Document.
* flyby — Rolken’s ex-wife once ran The League Center, where TSCers competed for glory for three weeks or so, then forgot about the following weeks. She ran off to Australia to do kinky things not permissible under United States law. If the feds ask, you know nothing.
* SonicAD — The current site owner and sort-of-kind-of wielder of the BANHAMMER, he will disappear for long periods of time to play Pokémon. Do not confuse him with SonicBC, a neanderthal anthropomorphic creature (anthro) that wields the long-lost BANCLUB.
(images here are as presented in the current constitution)
He occassionally turns into a Bayleef for no discernible reason, and seems to be holding an Everstone... or some dick is mashing B after every level up.
* Thorn — Head admin and current Constitution editor, he is a hulking beast that will bite your face off should you cheat or cause trouble, because BANHAMMERS are so 2009. He holds control over the site, chat, and Twitch.tv channel at all times except for the five minutes per day that SonicAD is around. He also enjoys Puyopuyo, community livestreams, creating custom Sonic level layouts, stomping TSC's cheaters into pancakes for SonicAD's approval, and frozen pizzas. Only sonikkusama knows what he looks like. Hates assholes.
* Umbreon / Zeupar / SadisticMystic / GerbilSoft — In the absence of SonicAD, these four are meant to fill all administrative roles, as well as aid in the detection of cheaters, morons, and miscellaneous spies. Umbreon is a furry and serves as a rare breed of admin: one that administrates and competes on TSC. Zeupar is this as well but isn't a furry, so the "rare breed" joke isn't as funny. SadisticMystic rarely deals with on-site matters but operates CodeGirl, the site's most useful bot, and is also a bastion of knowledge with respect to older games, particularly of the Dreamcast era. GerbilSoft is never gonna give up making you lose The Game; quack. Despite being the person doing most behind-the-scenes maintenance, all members must mock him once per week (minimum).
* yse / SprintGod / SpinDashMaster — These three are former admins, so you no longer have to listen to what they have to say and can make fun of them as you see fit. yse announced his resignation, and was replaced by nobody, suggesting his utter uselessness. SprintGod and SpinDashMaster seem to have disappeared, and the tracking devices planted in the back of their skulls are giving no clues as to their locations; it can only be assumed that they stumbled into an interdimensional portal and landed in a world where Sonic games are still good, and they do not wish to return.
* If I Had a (Ban)Hammer — Once known as Spaceship Users, this group consists of a large amount of chosen TSCers that were once exemplary competitors and/or socialites, but have since become rare sightings on TSC. They are occasionally seen in spaceships, but have also been known to travel along rainbows. Users in this category universally aspired to one day wield a BANHAMMER., but have since stopped caring. A current site bug lists users that are in this group as Prominent Members, which would make them feel warm and fuzzy inside if they were actually here.
* Broseidon — This group, named as such because RPGnutter was the only member of it to give a shit what it was called, consists of TSC's current notable members or competitive and/or social presence. In the absence of admins, these users have a more significant say in matters than Underlings. Members of either Broseidon or If I Had a (Ban)Hammer can edit posts made by lower users but cannot lock topics or delete posts — this is why your fifteen-paragraph essay on why the Werehog deserves a Werechidna partner now reads "HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS" and wasn't simply deleted from the forum (that said, we'd probably play such a game).
* Underlings — This category of users does as it is told at all times. In the past, Underlings could be expected to scrub floors, wash dishes and clean dust for any of the higher-level Users. This is still the case, but a newer class of sub-Underlings is forming, comprised of assholes, cheaters, and liars. This sub-Underling group may receive the aforementioned tasks from Underlings but are also given much more horrible jobs, such as cleaning out the remnants of cheaters from Thorn's toenails or, even worse, chauffeuring SonicAD to Pokémon tournaments without being tipped. All Underlings are permitted to submit the occasional Statistic, but not one that surpasses that of a higher-level User; disobeying this command is punishable by BANHAMMER.
* Furries — Populating the Internet en masse and not simply TSC, these users wish to live as half-human hybrids, often purring or making :3 faces. Due to the ascension of a furry to an administrative role, TSC's disdain for furries has largely disappeared, although we ask that all yiffing be censored; if you're reading this, please talk to us again, PPA. Note that the first Tuesday of each month is Furry Appreciation Day (FAD), during which nobody acts any differently.
* Liars — Not welcome. No questions asked. Unless you’re Dale.
Do note that submitting exceptional statistics, being a funny and friendly member of the community, and curing cancer are not sufficient grounds for a promotion to the next member group. Promotions are given in the form of the gods playing eenie-meenie-miney-moe and striking the chosen user with an empowering bolt of lightning.
Part II — Rules of the Site
* The Site is to be used for the sole purpose of the submission of Statistics to be ranked against other Users, or Guides or Videos explaining the methods by which these Statistics may be attained. An exception to this rule is for people in the Liar category, who can submit anything they like for 45 minutes and are then permanently removed from the site, along with all of their Statistics. They can then return to GameFAQs and talk about what big n00bs we are for getting duped by them. Less fortunate Liars get chained up in SonicAD's basement to form the sub-Underling group mentioned before.
* At the bottom of the main page is a “News Updates†bar, where the most recent ten notable achievements are stored. This is generally used by Users to show off and profess their coolness. It is also used by liars to make their achievements more noticeable, and for random garbage when a faulty submission is removed and all former record holders have their accomplishment reinstated simultaneously.
* As the traffic on TSC directly impacts on world events, it is the Administrators’ civic duty to keep traffic, and hence the world, in balance. Therefore if Iran starts firing nuclear weapons at the West, the administrators reserve the right to ban all they deem necessary until the problem is resolved.
* Points obtained in officially sanctioned Tournaments are not redeemable for Sitewide Points, or vice versa. This is usually a non-issue, as Tournament officials will usually forget about the Tournament two weeks before its scheduled end.
* Exactly half of Users must be named either Mike or Dan, even if TSC has an odd number of members. This means Users may have to change their name periodically or split themselves in half to comply. Mikes tend to have high Agility, Intelligence, and Magic stats, whereas Dans excel in Attack, Defense, and HP; choose your alignment wisely. Also note that Mikes prefer Phoenix Wright and Dans prefer Miles Edgeworth, but neither prefers Apollo Justice. Seriously, fuck Apollo Justice.
* The Triforce was originally planned to be a collectible object in TSC, but was removed before release. Rumors state that the Triforce still exists deep in a seldom-visited directory, but all followers of these rumors have only brought themselves anguish via hidden RickRolls on the site.
* After submitting a stat, you may be subjected to a drug test. Use of any of the following illegal substances is grounds for disqualification from the competition:
(images here are as presented in the current constitution)
If you are found to be using any of these, you risk entry into the sub-Underlings group in the worst case. In the best case, higher-level members may ask for a hit of it, then not return it.
* The Sitewide Rankings are the best measure of competition skill. They are to be ignored, seeing as the only games that matter are Sonic 1/2/3 & Knuckles and the Sonic Adventure series.
* There is no Sonic Shuffle competition, or Sonic the Hedgehog Genesis, or Sonic Spinball, or Sonic Blast, or Sonic Pinball Party, or Sonic Labyrinth, or Tails' Skypatrol. Learn to live without. That said, ask bertin about Skypatrol. Go ahead, do it.
* The Shadow the Hedgehog game was a return to form after the gimmicks of Sonic Adventure 2 and Sonic Heroes. It consists of about 85% running around and platforming and 15% shooting, all with only one character. However, it has guns and angst and thus may not be respected.
Part III — Rules of the Forum
* You can say whatever you like, pretty much. It is recommended that you remove the key to the left of "A" on your keyboard, to prevent accidentally finding the rare exception to this rule.
* If your name is Paul Corby, don’t post.
* Take another look at Rule 2 just to make sure.
* If you’re pressing Submit on your third one-liner in a row, you might want to stop and think about the quality of what you’re posting.
* If you’re having problems with flood control, see Rule 4.
* If your sigs are longer than your posts, see Rule 4.
* Be nice.
* If you’re having problems with Rule 7, don’t expect people to like you.
* Don’t quote anything you’re not responding to, since we’ve already read it once. Also, if you're responding to the most recent post in a topic, consider using a ^ or simply responding instead of quoting the ten-page report on Sonic Team's decline in quality contained in the previous post — Quote and Reply are different buttons for a reason.
* Coloured text is pointless and annoying. Also, colored text is pointless and annoying.
* The photo option is never to be used. Learn to use imgur.
* thos of u who talk lik dis will be even more ostracised in here than usual.
* Users are required to observe a certain Standard of Epicness. This standard should be observed at all times, without fail, under threat of BANHAMMER.
* Topics such as "Who would win in a fight, Knuckles or Shadow?", "If you were Perfect Chaos what would you do?", and forum games are great for showing how creative you are and for eliciting fun-to-read responses. Don't ever make these topics.
* All topics can be made awesome by adding a GIF of an Ace Attorney character. No objections to this rule will be sustained.
* All topics have been won by User douglas, even if he hasn't yet posted in them. Therefore, you shouldn't even try to win a topic; you are destined to fail epically. It doesn't really matter that douglas isn't around anymore, just as the speed of light doesn't change just because you're in a dark room.
Part IV — Rules of the Chatroom
In the Chatroom, Hanlon's Razor is in full effect. Some (but not all) roles are changed. They are detailed below:
* SonicAD assumes the mantle of founder of #soniccenter (although he's not actually the founder) and Keeper of the Tilde. Anyone who uses the tilde (~) in the Chatroom may be subject to a kick from the room unless express written consent is given to use it. His word is still law.
* SprintGod, Umbreon, and Thorn, placed just below SonicAD, have positions signified by the ampersand (&), as a reference to the banning power they wield. Their word is law in the absence of SonicAD, i.e., for all except five minutes each day. The usual rules of adminship apply in this category, although we're beginning to wonder if Sprint's connection will ever ping out, as he has not been at his computer in ages (see Section I Part I).
* Several users, mostly but not wholly from the If I Had a (Ban)Hammer and Broseidon categories, are identified by their @ symbol, which has no significance but serves as a reminder that they’re more powerful than everyone below them — oh, and they can kick you, too. Keepers of the at sign are expected to change the Chatroom topic to a new witty line at regular intervals; failure to do so results in loss of status.
* CodeGirl is a bot engineered by SadisticMystic (known as Anonycat in the Chatroom). Her purpose is to collect data about TSC, then discard it and drive into walls. Her specialty is running the game "Global Thermonuclear War", in which players who join are kicked 95% of the time. There is a 5% chance that a player may gain highly beneficial mutations from radiation from the war weapons, including extra arms, psychokinesis, pyrokinesis, becoming 20 feet tall, or earning a tilde — play often to win!
* In the past, some people had a % symbol. These people were among the very few certified females on the internet that were not already of a higher level and maintained a certain level of respect and intelligence on TSC,thus they were granted a token position under TSC’s Endangered Species Protection Scheme. They were to be treated with respect lest the BANHAMMER hit you. While all of them have died out due to an unfortunate Skypatrol accident, we are always on the lookout for people that should receive %; dressing in drag will not work, tits or gtfo.
* Those who followed on-site instructions have a + symbol. This means absolutely nothing, but serves to keep them out of the lowest level by proving they can indeed follow instructions.
* Everyone else remains at the usual Underling or sub-Underling level. The usual rules applying to Underlings and sub-Underlings (as specified in Section I Part I) apply here.
Additional things of note not related to user roles:
* TSC has its own IRC applet accessible from the Site — however, it should not be used under any circumstances.
* Sonic roleplaying is banned. Pokémon roleplaying is highly encouraged.
* If you're aiming to kick somebody, be sure that "kick" starts with a K, not an L.
* If you have an opinion and it is contested, feel free to defend it. Progressing past four rebuttals changes the argument into an "intellectual debate" as a defense against being kicked.
* ":)" shows satisfaction with the current state of affairs, making it a display of weakness. To keep The Sonic Center's name strong and to let other sites know that we are not to be !@#$%!ed with, all ":)"s must be met with an equal or greater number of ":(".
SECTION II: ITEMS PERTAINING TO SITES OTHER THAN THE SONIC CENTER
Overview: As mentioned earlier, TSC is the best site ever. Therefore, by a simple process of deduction, this means that other sites are of lesser worth to Users than TSC. However, the amount of worth that can be derived from these sites varies, as explained below.
Part I — Other Sonic the Hedgehog-related Sites
* Examples of sites in this category include: The Sonic Stadium, Sonic Cult, Sonic Retro, Sonic Cage Dome, and Sonic Vegemite.
* These sites generally hold little value to Users, as the users of these other sites generally do not comply with TSC’s standards of excellence. Higher-level Users are permitted to visit these sites in order to recruit the few members who do comply with these standards, but Underlings are generally kept within the confines of TSC at all times in order to prevent exposure to these sites.
* Status earned on other sites does not correlate to status on TSC. For example, becoming a Super/Hyper/Cthulhu Member on Sonic Cage Dome may make you invincible there, but referencing that here will see you kicked. Likewise, Tech Members on Retro can expect to be considered know-nothings on TSC.
* Some members of other sites (and occasionally some TSC Users) may try to show you "fangames" spawned by the devil. Avoiding exposure to this logic is done as follows: when a fangame is brought up, be sure to call it utter crap before looking at it. Mention how bad it is compared to the official games by Sonic Team. Repeat ad nauseum until the fangame proponent stops speaking about it. For maximum effect, wait five minutes after this conversation, then talk with a different person about how awful Sonic Team's games have been since [insert your most hated game here], and say that unless somebody makes a fun Sonic game, the franchise will die.
Part II — Other video game competition-related Sites
* Examples of sites in this category include: Speed Demos Archive, TASvideos, MarioKart64.com, Cyberscore and The-Elite.
* These sites are generally of great value to Users, as the users of these sites tend to have highly developed skills, and would be good recruitments to TSC. The videos provided by these sites can also help Users to develop their own skill bases. Additionally, they provide another arena in which Users can show off.
* An exception to this rule is Cyberscore, which should be avoided by Users at all costs. That means you, HyperSonic7701.
Part III — Permissible Non-related Sites
* Examples of sites in this category include: Google, Wikipedia, and miscellaneous news sites.
* These sites have the potential to be beneficial to Users, as they can broaden one’s knowledge of the world around them. Care should be taken to only read reputable sources, i.e. don't ever link Fox News in our chatroom or you're dead.
SECTION III: UNIVERSAL TRUTHS
Overview: In any walk of life, people come across things that they were not aware of before, and yet are just as true as the sky being blue, or day following night, or pigs being able to fly. In this section these universal truths which Users should observe at all times are documented.
Part I — Universal Truths pertaining to The Sonic Center
* The Golden Rule: Whenever Andy is sure of something, he’s BSing.
* Correct tenses with the /me command are for other chat rooms.
* We run down the street with only gloves and boots on and destroy cars.
* The topics are always relevant.
* If you pick up the phone booth, you die.
* You just lost the game.
* Holy crap we’re awesome!
* We break servers.
* PPA is a furry!
* Big the Car [sic] > you > Wereycar. Well, unless you're a Liar. Then Big the Car > Wereycar > you.
* Members who seem insane have become so by witnessing RPGnutter's face and being unable to comprehend its true nature.
* stop being soo good at the tsc [sic]
* THE FUN CAN NOT BE HALTED.
* HyperSonic7701 loves his popcorn.
* We're never gonna give you up.
* Cherry would rather have a tiger :(
* There are two instances of Charper [sic] 3.
* TSCA (TSC Adventure) is an RPG with TSC members, designed by Users RPGnutter and Zephyr. It is two tiers better than the Standard of Epicness and is the most awesome thing ever. It will be finished and released to the public tomorrow.
* This space intentionally left blank.
* If you can't explain it, it's caused by magnets.
* Never say the phrase "Uber Times".
* Any record you earn on TSC was obliterated by a ten-year-old Japanese boy two years ago. This rule still applies to games released within the last two years.
* No you don't add the goal ring to your ring total >_>
* All internet violence hurts DsS, whether intentionally or otherwise. Bullets are attracted to this man like flies on shit.
* We earn $5 every time you game over.
* Relationships between TSC Users are really confusing :s
Part II — Universal Truths pertaining to other sites
* We own Stadium and Cult because they can’t play.
* Zizou really is lol.
* Kogen is a spic.
* SCD don’t realise how good we are... well, that was once the case, but our site's alive and theirs isn't, so na na na na boo boo, stick your head in doo doo.
* We want to know how they came up with the name “Microsoft Powerpointâ€.
* Sonic is not in Brawl.
* Sonic is in Brawl!
APPENDIX A
Abbreviations used in this Document:
* TSC — The Sonic Center
* TSS (or Stadium) — The Sonic Stadium
* Cult — Sonic-Cult
* SCD — Sonic Cage Dome
* User — Member of The Sonic Center
* Site — The Sonic Center main site
* Forum — The Sonic Center forum
* Chatroom — The Sonic Center chatroom
APPENDIX B
Version History / Amendments
* 1st Amendment: Comma (,) changed to a full stop (.) somewhere.
* 2nd Amendment: Keeper of the Tilde changeover, yse added to banning category
* 3rd Amendment: More Universal Truths added.
* 4th Amendment: Abbreviations added.
* 5th Amendment: flyby’s status corrected to “Rolken’s hot wife.â€
* 6th Amendment: SCD link corrected.
* 7th Amendment: A couple of amendments re-ordered.
* 8th Amendment (13/11/07): Lots of cool stuff.
* 9th Amendment (6/8/09): American Constitution editor angsts over the day/month/year date format and words with an extra U or an S where a Z should be. Constitution given a two-year update.
* 10th Amendment (1/1/13): Huge update, removing defunct categories and making new, correct ones.
