[Thorn]

So a short while ago I was introduced to the magic that is Pick Up the Phone Booth and Die, Aisle, and Pick Up the Phone Booth and Aisle.

And they were hilarious.

Then it hit me that we already had Horrible Misfortune topics on TSC -- namely, RPG's posts in his Murdering Topics (the Horrible Misfortune Game topic was different). Said topics were tossed into the Moron Archives and are now dry-rotting in Sonic '06 Appreciation Land. So I figure we should start this up again, only with the formatting changed to make it a group activity in the hopes of it not being moved to S'06 AP again.

If you're unfamiliar with all of the magic text adventures I mentioned, allow me to get you up to speed. You are presented with a short explanation of the setting/situation you find yourself in. As with any text adventure, you state a verb and, if necessary, the object(s) to which the verb is applied. You then continue with the story. In these games, though, the story always ends right after you make your first action. A good 90% or so of the possible actions end badly for the player, with the occasional subversion thrown in for good measure. So, you provide the verbs, and any TSCer with the ability to modify posts creates the result -- perhaps more than one result if more than one person has a clever outcome. A lot of the responses in this topic tend to be in-jokes based around TSC members, so if you don't get it, it's not your fault -- heck, the consequence might simply be unfunny to begin with.


You are at the first ever TSC Convention, on the lawn of flyby's house. It's a bright, sunny day, with only a few clouds in the sky. TSCers from around the world have gathered and are talking about... stuff. To the north lies flyby's house. To the east is a picket fence. To the south is a street. To the west TSCers are congregating.

A phone booth inexplicably sits in the middle of the lawn.

[Waxwings]

>speed dial random TSC'er

You enter the phone booth and end up calling DsS. You wonder what the purpose of the call is, seeing as he is at the convention. Before you can think of a reason, a bullet whizzes through your skull; Quartz is nearby and had heard DsS's voice coming from the phone booth, causing him to instinctively shoot in your direction. Of course, all shots aimed at anybody rebound at DsS per TSC law, so Quartz hits his target. Luckily for him, you're too much of a nobody for anybody to notice your death, so he gets off scot free.

*You spend the rest of time as a corpse in a phone booth*

[Stefan]

>ignore phone booth

Now, the phone booth was the cause of death in the original game; why would it be any different here? Against all logic, you ignore the phone booth. As you turn your back to it, GerbilSoft leans on the opposite side. The booth wasn't anchored to the ground quite as well as he thought, though, and it topples backwards onto you, crushing you under its weight.

*You should've played the original game*

[Maru Kiba]

What if you were on a deserted island, and found 7 phone booths, and ominously they all ring. When you go to pick it up, no one is there, but it still rings. What you do?

[douglas]

> west

You head over to the groups of TSCers talking to the west. Due to sun glare, you can't make out who they are until you're right next to them... oh, boy. You've wandered into a furry meeting. PPA and Koshi are pissed that you are intruding on their private meeting: after all, PPA's insecure about his furriness when in front of non-furries. You apologize profusely, but it's not enough; PPA throws a punch, and the two of you begin to fight. After a quick scuffle, you come out victorious, though not unscathed.

Later that night, as you go to bed, you check up on your injuries. You have a few bruises here and there, but you seem alright for the most part, save a spot on your shoulder where you appear to have been bit by PPA... the blood still hasn't clotted. You dab some hydrogen peroxide on it, cover it with a bandage, and go to bed.

When you wake up, you freak out. There's spots of orange fur growing from the backs of your hands, your nails are unusually long, your ears are stretched out... you've caught the furry virus. You cover it up well enough for a few days, but it eventually grows out of control. Weeks later, you could pass for a superhero: agile as a furry, improved hearing and eyesight, an incredible sense of smell... but none of it matters. You're a social pariah due to a pheromone your body releases that causes those nearby to think "eww furry". Your parents, your girlfriend, your friends... they all reject you. You can't get a job due to affirmative action not being applicable to different species. Worst of all, PPA and Koshi, the only fellow furries you know, won't take you in.

*You spend the rest of your life alone, save the ticks and fleas that take residence in your fur*

[Thorn]

I'm surprised I've gotten all "normal" actions so far. It's so much easier to write outlandish outcomes for crazy and impossible actions than it is for typical ones. :P douglas's misfortune could pass for a C-grade high school English essay.

Then again, I like a challenge.~

[yse]

Randomness you want, randomness you get.

> go fishing

"Hey!" you shout to the TSCers over to the west. "Let's go fishing!"

They respond: "Nah, too busy idling." You ask again ten minutes later, and a few people agree to accompany you. The only body of water you know of in Utah is the Great Salt Lake, so after some time spent driving, you arrive, break out the fishing rods, and sit on the shoreline. Of course, due to the high salinity, there aren't any fish in the lake.

*You wasted time fishing in Utah, you moron*

[Stefan]

>try to get free quarters from the phone booth

You mash the coin return on the phone in the booth. Damn, nothing. You pull a hammer out of hammerspace and begin bashing the phone. Woo, a buck twenty-five!

You look through the glass, and all of the TSCers who are outside are silent, staring at you. Rolken and flyby enter the booth and ask why you smashed their phone. You don't have an answer ready.

*You are banned from TSC and spend $200 replacing the phone booth*

[P.P.A.]

>goto [PHONEBOOTH]
>dial [THORN'S NUMBER]
>file complaint "I AM NOT A FURRY"

> deny truth

You call Thorn in the phone booth and scream "I AM NOT A FURRY!" at the top of your lungs. He apologizes to you and asks why you're calling: he's at the convention, in the house. You head inside and meet him in a bedroom. He asks if you could help with an assignment for his psychology class; you don't see why not, so you ask him what you need to do. He asks you to lie down on the bed and relax.

Twenty minutes later, you wake up. "Wow, you went under pretty easily," says Thorn as you try to remember what just happened. He continues: "Okay, now that that's over, what was it you wanted to argue about again?" You think for a second... "You know, for some reason I think I wanted to argue that I'm not a furry, but that can't be right... I mean, look at me," you say as you show Thorn a hand with no fur on it whatsoever. The two of you decide to pretend the argument never happened, and go out to get an ice cream.

*Your problems have been solved via hypnotherapy*

[Alondite]

> Slide off the roof of the house using genus as a makeshift "shingle board."

"Wheeee!!!" you scream, as the shingles go fwipfwipfwipfwip under genus's body, as you slide down the roof. You go into a two-story freefall over the edge, until you and genus hit the ground with a thud. genus's neck is broken from the fall.

The authorities don't care that everybody at the convention claims that they are better off without genus. In no time flat you're found guilty of murder and sent to a Utah prison.

*You spend the next 20 years being fondled by your cellmate, a muscular male that calls himself "Susan"*

[Bilan]

> Consume Icecream

Mmm, ice cream. You scarf it down much too quickly, causing an intense headache. Despite the headache, you can't help but eat another scoop... it's too good. Another mouthful yields an even more intense headache. But you can't stop... no matter how much the blood vessels in your palate constrict and expand, causing unbearable pain, you can't put the ice cream down. Until... *pop*.

*You become the first documented case of death via internal bleeding due to ice cream headache*

[EngiNerd]

mike's was WIN

> order pizza for everybody

You decide it would be a great idea to get people at the convention some pizzas. You look through the phone book, and can only find Father "Papa" John. Infatuated with the brilliance that is Papa John's, you order four large pepperoni and sausage pizzas. As you anxiously await the delivery of the pizzas, a TSCer alerts you that you are in the mormon war zone of Utah. Papa John is a missionary for the Latter Day Saints. You scramble to hide all things unholy from the convention, aware that you have given Father John your address. A TSC-wide cleaning effort is enacted. Father John shortly arrives to the house, and you engage in a nice chat with him. TSC maintains Father John's approval for fifteen minutes, and he, pleasantly surprised, begins to leave the site of the convention. Unfortunately, at this time, mike89 pulls into the driveway, back from his worthless fishing trip. Mike89 gets out of the car and Father John sees what might be the most unholy thing ever; mike89 is holding a can of that dastardly mountain dew. All approval is wiped away, and you lose communication with the people of Utah.

*You are now shunned in the state of Utah*

[Aitamen]

> Sit on Phone Booth

Due to your childlike (or possibly cat-like) nature, you have a fascination with getting on top of high places. As such, the phone booth outside the convention is an extremely enticing structure for you. The phone booth is simply too much of a skyscraper to climb directly, however, and you seek to find an alternate way up. Initially, you try to superglide up, using Sondow as your badnik of choice. Of course, this ends poorly, as you fail to time your glide correctly and instead knock yourself and Sondow to the ground, where he lies silently. You seek for a second alternative, and spot a window on the second story of the convention house. You enter the building and make your way up to the second story. After opening the window, you head back to make a running jump to the phone booth. You try for the jump, and, as public education failed to teach you, gravity pulls down hard. You land on the phone booth in a sitting position for an instant, but soon fall off, dead from the impact.

*You're dead. Fortunately, due to your cat-like nature, you still have 8 more lives.*

[Waxwings]

> inventory

You inventory contains:
- your wallet ($76.02), a mechanical pencil, a paperclip, and pocket lint. They were in your pocket before you came to the convention; you had forgotten to discard all but the wallet.
- To Kill a Mockingbird, your required summer reading for school. God, why does school always have to choose books about racism...
- all of the masks from Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask, which you won for being the 10000th person to purchase the game on Virtual Console. They totally work! Maybe.
- a Sound Stone with sixteen melodies (Queen Mary's Song + Smiles and Tears), for saving the world from the evil Giygas... twice.
- a diorama of Medusa that you created for your class on Ancient Religion and Mythology. It's rather well made.

*You turn to stone, having looked at that last one*

[Stefan]

>attempt to join growing phone booth industry by erecting the "iPhonebooth"

The TSC convention seems like the perfect place to announce your newest invention. Everybody gathers around you as you make your announcement: "I am erecting an iPhonebooth!" Everybody laughs, but you know it's an awesome idea, so you take it around the world. Unfortunately, you're laughed at most everywhere you go. Depressed, you return home and cry yourself to sleep.

*You never realize that the idea was awesome, but the phrase "I am erecting an iPhonebooth!" sounded like a double entendre*

[EngiNerd]

*You are now shunned in the state of Utah*[/font]

YAY!  I win!!!

[HolyGGirl]

>Investigate

DsS arrives at the TSC Convention readily awaiting what awaits him. Yet, there's this phonebooth. Confused and bewildered he wonders if he is seeing things. What is a phonebooth doing in the middle of the mix? It rings. His curious, predicatable nature tempts him to assess the situation. It rings. He walks to the booth when almost no one is looking, lifts up the phone and SWOOSH! He’s in the Matrix.

"One more soul lost to mike89. Game Over."

Thorn EDIT: Apparently, you still don't get it. Read the first post... everybody else has figured it out. >_>

[Bilan]

> Use rhubarb on Picket Fence

Damn, you know you can use the rhubarb on the fence, but you can't quite figure out how. You ask around, but to no avail. Hours later, you are still standing by the fence, perplexed as to how to use the rhubarb on the fence. Everybody else has gone into the house and fallen asleep, leaving you to figure things out in the dark.

*You are eaten by a grue*

[EngiNerd]

> slap phonebooth around a bit with a large trout

*whap*
*whap*
*whap*
*whap*
*WHAP* Ow! What in God's name just hit you in the face! It felt li-
*WHAP* Ow! ...like a... trout? Where is it coming fro-
*WHAP* Ow! Holy shit, the phone booth took your trout and is now...
*WHAP* *THUD*

*You fall unconscious as the phone booth beats you with your own trout*

[Bilan]

 > Use gun on DsS

*bang*

You blew the stuffing out of DsS... wait, stuffing? You stick your finger inside the hole in DsS and move around... there's nothing but fluff in there. You stick your finger between the skin and the fluff inside, and peel the skin off.. oh, shit. It's a Tails Doll inside...? Your jaw drops and yo-

*You are consumed by the darkness*

[Nextgengamer9]

>screams "Sonic 06 is awesome!" in the phonebooth

*You are committed to a Utah asylum for life. Try a better action next time.*

[Cutiefox]

> Sit bowl of TSC-O's in the phonebooth, the only breakfast cereal to keep competition skills sharp

You sit the bowl in the phone booth, doing your Good Samaritan deed for the day: whoever eats the TSC-O's will get better at competing. You walk away and join the other TSCers congregating over to the west.

DsS leaves the group to make a phone call, finds the bowl in the phone booth, and eats them. With DsS's already-strong competition skills, the bowl of TSC-O's cause his abilities to ascend to levels yet unheard of... to the point where he becomes one with the competition. He has an epiphany: it's not about learning the game's layouts or the engine, it's about being one with the engine, making it bend to your whims. He stops and focuses, and spawns a ring inside the phone booth. Astounded, he spawns another. And then another. The objects, the people, the world... all simply code. He spawns item monitors, badniks, characters... the TSC convention begins to look like something out of Sonic Adventure. But it is not enough for the enlightened DsS. People find themselves spin-jumping, racing around the yard, getting shot at by badniks... he needs more, more! Bosses, new scenery, you name it...

*The world freezes: the 68k is overloaded from tracking too many objects on screen at once*

[Nextgengamer9]

>eats some TSC o's and drops one on the phonebooth

Oops, you dropped one.

Nothing happens.

*You are disappointed at the lack of humor in this post*

[DsSaster]

> witness DarkspinesSonic talking to Da1AndOnlySonic near the phone booth

There are not three instances of you... are there?

*You join the others in a Utah asylum due to irrepressible Dissociative Identity Disorder.*

[flying fox]

> Brings cake from the house for the other TSCers to eat

You bring the cake to the assorted TSCers.  They tuck in, and all spend much time agreeing that it is delicious cake.  Mike, however, becomes bored by the incessantly inane baking-related chat, and declares "this conversation sucks and is now about buses".  As soon these words escape his lips you hear an ominous rumbling, like the God of Thunder gargling a hammer - then, horrified, you watch as a yellow schoolbus, trailing flames behind it, launches itself over the fence, landing brutally atop the congregated cake eaters, leaving only you surviving.

Douglas climbs out of the driver's seat and screams "MOAR FUCKING BUS BIATCH!" as an army of buses of all shapes and sizes surrounds you.  Knowing you are defeated, you surrender and spend the next 10 years in a forced labour camp cleaning the graffitti off of poor, innocent vandalised buses.

Then Cruizer kills all the buses by being lame and you commit suicide, knowing that without MOAR BUS your life is not worth living.

[Bilan]

> Use disco lights in street

Everybody discos in the street!

*Everybody except you is run over by a tanker truck of gasoline speeding down the street. The truck explodes, and you are burned to death in the ensuing disco inferno.*

[P.P.A.]

> renounce the apprenticeship under RPG
(Not because of the disco lights, that's cool.)

It's much too late for that... regardless of this renouncing, RPG has already learned where you live.

*You are bumraped.*

[Parax]

> challenge DsS to S06 multiplayer matches

*You join johas. What, did you think you would get special treatment?

[GerbilSoft]

> prank call the phone booth with the Rick Roll Dialer

*rrrriiiinnnngggg... rrrriiiinnnngggg*

Rolken enters the phone booth and picks up the phone. You laugh hysterically. You go over to the TSCers to the west to tell them just how hard you pranked the Rolko. As you're talking, your phone rings, and you answer. "Hello?"

*In West Philadelphia, born and raised...*

[Magnezone]

> AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...!" you scream to the heavens. TSCers may be looking at you funny, but you continue screaming.

*BANG*

Lightning strikes you; your cry has been heard by the glory that is Tikal! After years of worship, you are finally being gifted! The feeling of shock still coursing through your body, you look down to see white fur sprouting all over your body. Your eyeballs swell, your nose grows, your hair congeals into long, heavy dreadlocks, and spikes protrude from the backs of your hands... as Tikal reincarnate, you feel capable of anything! With your awesome gliding and climbing skills and remarkable strength, you will deliver justice to the world!

...

...yeah, right.

*You spend the rest of your life hanging with PPA and Koshi.*