The Constitution is very much outdated. This cannot be allowed, lest flagrant immoral acts be committed while they are not in direct violation of any law. I have drawn up a draft of an updated Constitution, and require other TSCer's input on additional clauses. Each of the If I Had a (Ban)Hammer users may sign off when they are comfortable with their representative states obeying the laws created within.
The Sonic Center Constitution of Infallibility
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SECTION I: ITEMS PERTAINING TO THE SONIC CENTER
Overview: The Sonic Center is the best site ever. Under no circumstances is this statement to be challenged, and any User who challenges this statement will be subject to the BANHAMMER.
TSC specializes in the completion of Sonic games at an exceptionally high standard. Its Users carry this standard into all its other facets of their daily lives: high standards of ethical and moral conduct, intelligence and melee combat are paramount.
Part I – Roles of Users· Rolken – The former administrator, spiritual leader and former wielder of the BANHAMMER at TSC, his word is law, unless it contradicts any statement in this Document.
· flyby – Rolken’s hot wife holds absolute control over Rolken, and zero control over TSC. She runs The League Center, where TSCers compete for glory for three weeks or so, then forget about the following weeks.
· SonicAD – The current administrator and wielder of the BANHAMMER, he will bring up topics for his underlings to discuss, then set the majority opinion as law, a tough job indeed. Do not confuse him with SonicBC, a neanderthal anthropomorphic creature (anthro) that wields the long-lost BANCLUB.
· SadisticMystic / SprintGod / yse / Thorn – In the absence of SonicAD, these four are meant to fill all administrative roles, as well as aid in the detection of cheaters, morons, and miscellaneous spies. yse has announced his resignation, and has been replaced by nobody, suggesting his utter uselessness. Thorn is the current Constitution editor; he has already braced for the hundreds of PMs stating how horrible it is that some minor typo made its way into this document. SprintGod seems to have disappeared, and the tracking device planted in the back of his skull is giving no clues as to his location; it can only be assumed that he stumbled into an interdimensional portal and landed in a world where Sonic games are still good, and he does not wish to return.
· GerbilSoft – Whereas the above four are "meant to fill all administrative roles", this is the man that actually does it. He's never gonna give up making you lose The Game. Despite being the single person keeping the site up and running, all members must mock him once per week (minimum).
· If I Had a (Ban)Hammer – Once known as Spaceship Users, this group consists of a large amount of chosen TSCers that supposedly represent the site as moderators, exemplary competitors, and assist the five administrators where necessary. They are occasionally seen in spaceships, but have also been known to travel along rainbows. Users in this category universally aspire to one day wield a BANHAMMER. Note that many of these moderators cannot actually delete posts or lock topics, and are only able to make edits to other posts – this is why your fifteen-paragraph essay on why the Werehog deserves a Werechidna partner now reads "HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS".
· Underlings – This category of users does as it is told at all times, and can be expected to scrub floors, wash dishes and clean dust for any of the higher-level Users. Are permitted to submit the occasional Statistic, but not one that surpasses that of a higher-level User. Disobeying this command is punishable by BANHAMMER.
· Furries – Populating the Internet en masse and not simply TSC, these users wish to live as half-human hybrids, often purring or making :3 faces. Furries are typically frowned upon in the community. "Furry" is a derogatory term – to address one of these users with respect, call him/her an anthro. Some furries may ask you what is so wrong about wanting to be a creature with all of the benefits humans have over animals and all of the advantages animals have over humans – when asked this, the proper course of action is to cover your ears to prevent any sound logic from seeping in, and slap the furry across the face. Note, however, that the first Tuesday of each month is Furry Appreciation Day (FAD), in which nobody acts any differently.
· Liars – Not welcome. No questions asked. Unless you’re Dale.
Do note that submitting exceptional statistics, being a funny and friendly member of the community, and curing cancer are not sufficient grounds for a promotion to the next member group. Promotions are given in the form of the gods playing eenie-meenie-miney-moe and striking the chosen user with an empowering bolt of lightning.
Part II – Rules of the Site1. The Site is to be used for the sole purpose of the submission of Statistics to be ranked against other Users, or Guides or Videos explaining the methods by which these Statistics may be attained. An exception to this rule is for people in the Liar category, who can submit anything they like for 45 minutes and are then permanently removed from the site, along with all of their Statistics. They can then return to GameFAQs and talk about what big n00bs we are for getting duped by them.
2. At the bottom of the main page is a “News Updates” bar, where the most recent ten notable achievements are stored. This is generally used by Users to show off and profess their coolness. It is also used by liars to make their achievements more noticeable, and for random garbage when a faulty submission is removed and all former record holders have their accomplishment reinstated simultaneously.
3. As the traffic on TSC directly impacts on world events, it is the Administrators’ civic duty to keep traffic, and hence the world, in balance. Therefore if Iran starts firing nuclear weapons at the West, the administrators reserve the right to ban all they deem necessary until the problem is resolved.
4. Points obtained in officially sanctioned Tournaments are not redeemable for Sitewide Points, or vice versa. This is usually a non-issue, as Tournament officials will usually forget about the Tournament two weeks before its scheduled end.
5. Exactly half of Users must be named either Mike or Dan, even if TSC has an odd number of members. This means Users may have to change their name periodically or split themselves in half to comply. Mikes tend to have high Agility, Intelligence, and Magic stats, whereas Dans excel in Attack, Defense, and HP; choose your alignment wisely. Also note that Mikes prefer Phoenix Wright and Dans prefer Miles Edgeworth.
6. The Triforce was originally planned to be a collectible object in TSC, but was removed before release. Rumors state that the Triforce still exists deep in a seldom-visited directory, but all followers of these rumors have only brought themselves anguish via hidden RickRolls on the site.
7. After submitting a stat, you may be subjected to a drug test. Use of any of the following illegal substances is grounds for disqualification from the competition:
8. The Sitewide Rankings are the best measure of competition skill. They are to be ignored, seeing as the only games that matter are Sonic 1/2/3 & Knuckles and the Sonic Adventure series.
9. There is no Sonic Shuffle competition, or Sonic the Hedgehog Genesis, or Sonic Spinball, or Sonic Blast, or Sonic Pinball Party, or Sonic Labyrinth, or Tails' Skypatrol. Learn to live without.
10. The Shadow the Hedgehog game was a return to form after the gimmicks of Sonic Adventure 2 and Sonic Heroes. It consists of about 85% running around and platforming and 15% shooting, all with only one character. However, it has guns and angst and thus may not be respected.
Part III – Rules of the Forum1. You can say whatever you like, pretty much. It is recommended that you remove the key to the left of "A" on your keyboard, to prevent accidentally finding the rare exception to this rule.
2. If your name is Paul Corby, don’t post.
3. Take another look at Rule 2 just to make sure.
4. If you’re pressing Submit on your third one-liner in a row, you might want to stop and think about the quality of what you’re posting.
5. If you’re having problems with flood control, see rule 4.
6. If your sigs are longer than your posts, see rule 4.
7. Be nice.
8. If you’re having problems with rule 7, don’t expect people to like you.
9. Don’t quote anything you’re not responding to, since we’ve already read it once. Also, if you're responding to the most recent post in a topic, consider using a ^ or simply responding instead of quoting the ten-page report on Sonic Team's decline in quality contained in the previous post – Quote and Reply are different buttons for a reason.
10. Coloured text is pointless and annoying. Also, colored text is pointless and annoying.
11. The photo option is never to be used. Learn to use ImageShack.
12. thos of u who talk lik dis will be even more ostracised in here than usual.
13. Users are required to observe a certain
Standard of Epicness. This standard should be observed at all times, without fail, under threat of BANHAMMER.
14. Topics such as "Who would win in a fight, Knuckles or Shadow?", "If you were Perfect Chaos what would you do?", and forum games are great for showing how creative you are and for eliciting fun-to-read responses. Don't ever make these topics.
15. All topics can be made awesome by adding a GIF of an Ace Attorney character. No objections to this rule will be sustained.
16. All topics have been won by User douglas, even if he hasn't yet posted in them. Therefore, you shouldn't even try to win a topic; you are destined to fail epically.
Part IV – Rules of the ChatroomIn the Chatroom, some roles are changed. They are detailed below:
· SonicAD assumes the mantle of founder of #soniccenter and Keeper of the Tilde. Anyone who uses the tilde (~) in the Chatroom may be subject to a kick from the room unless express written consent is given to use it. His word is still law.
· Sprint and yse, placed just below SonicAD, have positions signified by the ampersand (&), as a reference to the banning power they wield. Their word is law in the absence of SonicAD. Note that Stefan a.k.a. Typo has won an ampersand in a contest – you don't have to listen to him.
· Several users, mostly of the If I Had a (Ban)Hammer category but also CherryMay and flyby, are identified by their @ symbol, which has no significance but serves as a reminder that they’re more powerful than everyone below them – oh, and they can kick you, too. Keepers of the at sign are expected to change the Chatroom topic to a new witty line at regular intervals; failure to do so results in loss of status.
· CodeGirl is a bot engineered by SadisticMystic (known as Tails in the Chatroom). Her purpose is to collect data about TSC, then discard it and drive into walls. Her specialty is running the game "Global Thermonuclear War", in which players who join are kicked 95% of the time. There is a 5% chance that a player may gain highly beneficial mutations from radiation from the war weapons, including extra arms, psychokinesis, pyrokinesis, becoming 20 feet tall, or earning a tilde – play often to win!
· Some people have a % symbol instead. These people are among the very few certified females on the internet, and are granted a token position under TSC’s Endangered Species Protection Scheme. They are to be treated with respect lest the BANHAMMER hit you. Exception 1: Rolken is not a female – he is simply secure with his masculinity. Exception 2: Donna won't let us be nice to her. :( Exception 3: Koshi the furry lost her privilege after nibbling on several users and creating werefurries (see clause on DsS in Section III Part I).
· The remaining regulars have a + symbol. This means absolutely nothing.
· Everyone else remains at the usual Underling level. The usual rules applying to Underlings (as specified in Section I Part I) apply here.
Additional things of note not related to user roles:
· TSC has its own IRC applet accessible from the Site – however, it should not be used under any circumstances.
· Furries are to be fursecuted in #furschwitz. Fursecution is quick and painless, because it does absolutely nothing. Furries are kept alive for the sake of entertaining the entire Chatroom. Furries seeking furry entertainment may enter #roots, where they will be scarred for life, never able to view a dog's belly the same way again.
· Sonic roleplaying is banned. Pokémon roleplaying is highly encouraged.
· If you're aiming to kick somebody, be sure that "kick" starts with a K, not an L.
· If you have an opinion and it is contested, feel free to defend it. Progressing past four rebuttals changes the argument into an "intellectual debate" as a defense against being kicked.
· ":)" shows satisfaction with the current state of affairs, making it a display of weakness. To keep The Sonic Center's name strong and to let other sites know that we are not to be !@#$%!ed with, all ":)"s must be met with an equal or greater number of ":(".
SECTION II: ITEMS PERTAINING TO SITES OTHER THAN THE SONIC CENTEROverview: As mentioned earlier, TSC is the best site ever. Therefore, by a simple process of deduction, this means that other sites are of lesser worth to Users than TSC. However, the amount of worth that can be derived from these sites varies, as explained below.
Part I – Other Sonic the Hedgehog-related Sites· Examples of sites in this category include: The Sonic Stadium, Sonic Cult, Sonic Retro, Sonic Cage Dome, and Sonic Vegemite.
· These sites generally hold little value to Users, as the users of these other sites generally do not comply with TSC’s standards of excellence. Higher-level Users are permitted to visit these sites in order to recruit the few members who do comply with these standards, but Underlings are generally kept within the confines of TSC at all times in order to prevent exposure to these sites.
· Status earned on other sites does not correlate to status on TSC. For example, becoming a Super/Hyper/Cthulhu Member on Sonic Cage Dome may make you invincible there, but referencing that here will see you kicked. Likewise, Tech Members on Retro can expect to be considered know-nothings on TSC.
· Some members of other sites (and occasionally some TSC Users) may try to show you "fangames" spawned by the devil. Avoiding exposure to this logic is handled somewhat differently than the logic used by furries: when a fangame is brought up, be sure to call it utter crap before looking at it. Mention how bad it is compared to the official games by Sonic Team. Repeat ad nauseum until the fangame proponent stops speaking about it. For maximum effect, wait five minutes after this conversation, then talk with a different person about how awful Sonic Team's games have been since [insert your most hated game here], and say that unless somebody makes a fun Sonic game, the franchise will die.
Part II – Other video game competition-related Sites· Examples of sites in this category include: Speed Demos Archive, TASvideos, MarioKart64.com, Cyberscore and The-Elite.
· These sites are generally of great value to Users, as the users of these sites tend to have highly developed skills, and would be good recruitments to TSC. The videos provided by these sites can also help Users to develop their own skill bases. Additionally, they provide another arena in which Users can show off.
· An exception to this rule is Cyberscore, which should be avoided by Users at all costs.
Part III – Permissible Non-related Sites· Examples of sites in this category include: Google, Wikipedia, and miscellaneous news sites.
· These sites have the potential to be beneficial to Users, as they can broaden one’s knowledge of the world around them. Care should be taken to only read reputable sources, i.e. American sites should not be considered, including TSC.
SECTION III: UNIVERSAL TRUTHSOverview: In any walk of life, people come across things that they were not aware of before, and yet are just as true as the sky being blue, or day following night, or pigs being able to fly. In this section these universal truths which Users should observe at all times are documented.
Part I – Universal Truths pertaining to The Sonic Center· The Golden Rule: Whenever Andy is sure of something, he’s BSing.
· Correct tenses with the /me command are for other chat rooms.
· We run down the street with only gloves and boots on and destroy cars.
· The topics are always relevant.
· If you pick up the phone booth, you die.
· You just lost the game.
· Holy crap we’re awesome!
· We break servers.
· PPA is a furry!
· Members who seem insane have become so by witnessing RPG's face and being unable to comprehend its true nature.
· THE FUN CAN NOT BE HALTED.
· We're never gonna give you up.
· Cherry would rather have a tiger :(
· TSCA (TSC Adventure) is an RPG with TSC members, designed by the User RPG. It is two tiers better than the Standard of Epicness and is the most awesome thing ever. It will be finished and released to the public tomorrow.
· This space intentionally left blank.
· Any record you earn on TSC was obliterated by a ten-year-old Japanese boy two years ago. This rule still applies to games released within the last two years.
· No you don't add the goal ring to your ring total >_>
· All internet violence hurts DsS, whether intentionally or otherwise. To date (6/8/09), DsS have been hit with over 10000 bullets, hit in the face with 492 large trouts, and bitten by a werewolf fifteen times.
Part II – Universal Truths pertaining to other sites· We own Stadium and Cult because they can’t play.
· Zizou really is lol.
· Kogen is a spic.
· SCD don’t realise how good we are. This is likely why SCD admin SpinDashMaster regularly recruits TSCers for his challenges over at SCD – to shell-shock his newer members.
· We want to know how they came up with the name “Microsoft Powerpoint”.
· Sonic is not in Brawl.
· Sonic is in Brawl!
APPENDIX AAbbreviations used in this Document:
· TSC –
The Sonic Center· TSS (or Stadium) –
The Sonic Stadium· Cult –
Sonic-Cult· SCD –
Sonic Cage Dome· User – Member of The Sonic Center
· Site – The Sonic Center main site
· Forum – The Sonic Center forum
· Chatroom – The Sonic Center chatroom
APPENDIX BVersion History/Amendments:
1st Amendment: Comma (,) changed to a full stop (.) somewhere.
2nd Amendment: Keeper of the Tilde changeover, yse added to banning category
3rd Amendment: More Universal Truths added.
4th Amendment: Abbreviations added.
5th Amendment: flyby’s status corrected to “Rolken’s hot wife.”
6th Amendment: SCD link corrected.
7th Amendment: A couple of amendments re-ordered.
8th Amendment (13/11/07): Lots of cool stuff.
9th Amendment (6/8/09): American Constitution editor angsts over the day/month/year date format and words with an extra U or an S where a Z should be. Constitution given a two-year update.
