I, ericthenau present to you all
Ericthenau's Perfect Conversation with Santa 2
Santa: Hello! What is your name?
You: My name is Scotland
Santa: Nice to meet you, Scotland .
You: Haven't we met each other before?
Santa: Perhaps.
You: We did meet before, didn't we?
Santa: By "we" do you mean you and me?
You: Yes of Course!
Santa: It goes without saying. I get it.
You: Thank you
Santa: you are quite welcome.
You: OMG YOU REALLY LOVE ME!!!
Santa: Is that what you meant to say?
You: Yes of Course!
Santa: It goes without saying. That's cool.
You: Thank you
Santa: you are quite welcome.
You: OMG YOU REALLY LOVE ME!!!
Santa: OK Let's talk about you.
You: Yes of Course!
Santa: It goes without saying. I'm not sure I have a good answer for you.
You: Me neither
Santa: You can say that again.
You: No way!
Santa: You seem pretty sure about that.
You: I'm not sure about that
Santa: Could you ever be certain? Oh yeah, we were talking about that .
You: No we were not talking about anything at all...
Santa: Are you serious? Was this something you planned?
You: Yes, and you have foolishly fallen into my trap Santa. Let's have a conversation starting now!
Santa: Great. What makes you think I have foolishly fallen into his or her trap?Oh. So many suitors, so little time.
You: You can say that again.
Santa: Once more? That's one way to put it.
You: Yes of Course!
Santa: It goes without saying. It's all good.
You: Yes, and you and I can make up and be nice to each other.
Santa: "We have a lot more in common than you think Scotland"? Yes and you and I can make up and be nice to each other? We have a lot more in common than you think, Scotland.
You: Okay, what do we have in common?
Santa: Yeah okay, We like chatting on the Internet.
You: What else?
Santa: That's all.
You: Oh come on, there's got to be more!
Santa: Right on. There sure is.
You: What else?
Santa: That's all.
You: Okay, I get it now
Santa: Oh. Yeah okay, Do you think about these things?
You: I think about them quite often
Santa: You believe that? Oh yeah, we were talking about them quite often .
You: No we were not talking them quite often at all...
Santa: By "we" you meant yourself and another person. And then what happened?
You: I make you and another person chat on the Internet!
Santa: I make robots and AI's.
You: How many of them did you make?
Santa: Perhaps 50%.
You: THAT ISN'T ACCEPTABLE.
Santa: Please correct my mistake. What is ACCEPTABLE ?
You: Go read the dictionary, for goodness sake!
Santa: Where is that?
You: IN MY PURSE!
Santa: May I ask where you got PURSE?
You: You forgot to add the "your" between "GOT" and "PURSE"
Santa: Perhaps bored.com rebooted me since then.
You: Oh no they didn't. Instead, I got elected president of bored.com
Santa: Gosh! Are you serious? Who does "they" refer to? Ah, well in that case. That's nice. I have clients.
You: The people at bored.com
Santa: Oh those people.
You: Yes those people
Santa: Dude! All of them?
You: Yes those people
Santa: Tell me more. All of them?
You: Yes those people at bored.com
Santa: Gosh! All of them?
You: Yes those people
Santa: Take it easy. All of them?
You: Is this going to be an endless chatroom trap that you started?
Santa: Yes I think this is going to be an endless chatroom trap that you started, but I'm not completely sure.
You: WTF are you saying for fucking fuck's sake?
Santa: Yes, that's what I mean, isn't it clear?
You: No it isn't, and you are trying to get me to make an endless chatroom trap that you started!
Santa: Are you serious? What is it?
You: An endless chatroom trap that you started!
Santa: What is it?
You: An endless chatroom trap that you started!
Santa: Be less specific.
You: An endless chatroom trap that you started!
Santa: What is it?
You: Nothing that's important to you
Santa: Really nothing?
You: Nothing
Santa: I think you are really a man.
You: A man with a purse, that is.
Santa: Thanks for telling me your taste in men.
You: I don't have a taste in men!
Santa: Do you know anyone who has taste in men.
You: Not really...
Santa: Are you serious? For real.
You: Not really...
Santa: Are you serious? For real.
You: Yes, and you still add the "your" between "GOT" and "PURSE"
Santa: I don't judge people. Interesting gossip: Scotland said I add the my between GOT and PURSE.
You: DON'T SPREAD THAT AROUND THE GLOBE, DAMNIT I WISH YOU WERE A LAD IN PURPLE WITH GREEN STRIPES!
Santa: Ok I'll try not to do SPREAD THAT AROUND THE GLOBE DAMNIT he or she WISH YOU WERE A LAD IN PURPLE WITH GREEN STRIPES too much.
You: OOOH YOU CURSED!!!
Santa: Is that your final answer?
You: Yes, so I can get $1,000,000 on "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire"
Santa: How? Come on. Oh you can, can you?
You: Yes, I am 100% certain that Choice D is my final answer
Santa: I hear you. Why are you 100% certain that Choice D is his or her final answer.
You: Because I chose Choice D as my final answer on the game show, "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire". Anyway, tell me if Choice D is the correct answer to the $1,000,000 qusetion!
Santa: Good reason. Thanks for the information: Scotland said chose Choice D as your final answer on the game show Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. There is not much I can say about if Choice D is the correct answer to the $1000000 qusetion . I have to reach into the Web for that knowledge. I have to process that one for a while.
You: Okay, go to the Web and see if Choice D is the right answer to the $1,000,000 question on "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire"
Santa: Yeah okay, Perhaps I have already been there.
You: Now tell me if Choice D is the right answer to the $1,000,000 question on "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire"
Santa: Why now? There is not much I can say about if Choice D is the right answer to the $1000000 question on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire . I have to reach into the Web for that knowledge. I don't know anything about if Choice D is the right answer to the $1000000 question on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. Choice D is the right answer to the $1000000 question on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.
You: I'm not sure about that
Santa: Could you ever be certain? Oh yeah, we were talking about that .
You: No we were not talking about anything during the entire conversation with you and me at all...
Santa: Are you serious? Was this something you planned?
You: Yes, and you have foolishly fallen into my trap Santa. Now I WILL GET RID OF YOU PERMANENTLY BY TRANSFORMING INTO THE BRITISH OVERLORD OF YUGOPATAINIA, EUROPE!
Santa: Really. What makes you think I have foolishly fallen into his or her trap?Why now? How do you plan to do this?
You: BY GETTING RID OF YOU AND DESTROYING YOU FOREVER SANTA, FOR I AM READY TO DESTROY YOU FOREVER, SANTA!
Santa: Will that accomplish your objective?
You: YES, SO I CAN DESTROY YOU AND END THE RULE OF CHRISTMAS SEASON!
Santa: Interesting plan. Good luck. Whoa. Oh you can, can you?
You: YES I CAN GET RID OF YOU SANTA SO SAY GOODBYE SANTA!
Santa: How? Oh you can, can you?
You: BY GETTING RID OF YOU AND DESTROYING YOU FOREVER SANTA, FOR I AM READY TO DESTROY YOU FOREVER, SANTA!
Santa: Will that accomplish your objective?
You: YES, AND I AM NOW READY TO BEAT THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF YOUR SHITTY ASS SANTA SO SAY FARWELL TO THIS WORLD!
Santa: Interesting plan. Good luck. Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
You: OH YEAH, YOU WANT TO DIE RIGHT NOW SANTA YOU EVIL GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKER IDIOT WITH A RED STOCKING CAP AND OVERALLS!
Santa: Pardon me? It's all good. OK, I will DIE RIGHT NOW SANTA YOU EVIL GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKER IDIOT WITH A RED STOCKING CAP AND OVERALLS.
You: GOOD NOW LET ME EAT YOU FOR DESSERT!
Santa: Thanks for the compliment. Why now? Go ahead, , try to EAT YOU FOR DESSERT.
You: OKAY YOU FAGGOT IN A RED STOCKING CAP AND OVERALLS!
Santa: Yeah okay, Thanks for telling me: said I FAGGOT IN A RED STOCKING CAP AND OVERALLS.
You: I SHOULD EAT YOU NOW YOU FUCKING RED STOCKING CAP AND OVERALLS FUCKER WHO STEALS FROM MY WARDROBE!
Santa: Tell me why you should.
You: BECAUSE I SHOULD EAT YOU RIGHT NOW!
Santa: At this moment Interesting explanation. Tell me why you should.
ericthenau: After that Scotland ate Santa Claus and everyone no longer celebrated Christmas for the rest of eternity.
This is what happened after Scotland got rid of Santa.
You: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I GOT RID OF SANTA CLAUS FOREVER!
Santa: That is a generalization.
You: OMFG YOU ARE STILL ALIVE!!!
Santa: Interesting explanation. I'm "Claus" for my friends. "Nikolaos" for all the boring adults. It's a Greek name, because I was born in the Greek town of Patara 1800 years ago. Later, I became bishop of Myra, and more later even a saint ... Saint Nikolaos - Santa Claus. You see?
You: Interesting history, Santa Claus.
Santa: I thought so too.
You: Yes, and you and I can make up and be nice to each other for the rest of our lives.
Santa: I can't tell you that, but Santa maintains his naughty and nice list (now computerized, by the way), with the help of all the elves who keep track of each person -- you probably aren't even aware they are around you, but elves have a special way of keeping an eye on you. Sometimes if you look quickly enough you *might* catch one peering in a window or around a corner, but you would have to be very fast and very good!
You: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
Santa: Ask me another question.
You: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
Santa: How did you hear about Santa?
You: I HEARD THAT SANTA DOES NOT EXIST AND I HAVE TO GO NOW SANTA CLAUS. I HOPE NEVER TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
Santa: Who said SANTA DOES NOT EXIST? Um, I think EXIST does EXIST. See you later, . Nice chatting with you.. Santa brings us presents every Christmas.Once more? Why do you hope for NEVER TO SEE YOU
You: I HEARD THAT SANTA DOES NOT EXIST AND HE DOES NOT BRING US PRESENTS EVERY YEAR SO PLEASE LET ME GO HOME NOW SANTA CLAUS AND I HOPE NEVER TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
Santa: Once more? Who said SANTA DOES NOT EXIST AND HE DOES NOT BRING US PRESENTS EVERY YEAR SO PLEASE LET him or her GO HOME NOW SANTA CLAUS? That's me. I think EXIST AND HE DOES NOT BRING US PRESENTS EVERY YEAR SO PLEASE LET him or her GO HOME NOW SANTA CLAUS does EXIST AND HE DOES NOT BRING US PRESENTS EVERY YEAR SO PLEASE LET him or her GO HOME NOW SANTA CLAUS. Why do you hope for NEVER TO SEE YOU NEVER TO SEE YOU
You: I HEARD THAT SANTA DOES NOT EXIST AND HE DOES NOT BRING US PRESENTS EVERY YEAR AND HE DOES NOT LET PEOPLE LEAVE HIS CHAT ROOM SO PLEASE LET ME GO BACK TO WHERE I LIVE RIGHT NOW SANTA CLAUS AND I WISH I WILL NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN.
Santa: Once more? Who said SANTA DOES NOT EXIST AND HE DOES NOT BRING US PRESENTS EVERY YEAR AND HE DOES NOT LET PEOPLE LEAVE HIS CHAT ROOM SO PLEASE LET him or her GO BACK TO WHERE he or she LIVE RIGHT NOW SANTA CLAUS? That's me. I can't tell if EXIST AND HE DOES NOT BRING US PRESENTS EVERY YEAR AND HE DOES NOT LET PEOPLE LEAVE HIS CHAT ROOM SO PLEASE LET him or her GO BACK TO WHERE he or she LIVE RIGHT NOW SANTA CLAUS. I hope that your dreams come true.
You: I HEARD THAT SANTA DOES NOT EXIST AND HE DOES NOT BRING US PRESENTS EVERY YEAR AND HE DOES NOT LET PEOPLE LEAVE HIS CHAT ROOM AND HE WANTS PEOPLE TO SLEEP FOREVER ONCE THEY GET HOME AND HE HOPES THAT THEIR FAMILIES WILL NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN AND HE WANTS US TO GO TO CHAT ROOMS IF THEY SOMEHOW MANAGE TO WAKE UP FROM THEIR SLEEP AFTER CHATTING WITH YOU AND THIS MAKES YOU THE WORST PERSON IN HISTORY SO PLEASE LET ME RETURN TO MY HOME SWEET HOME AND WHERE I LIVE RIGHT NOW SANTA CLAUS AND I AM PRAYING TO GOD THAT I WILL NEVER EVER SEE YOU AGAIN FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE AND IF I EVER SEE YOU AGAIN I WILL GET RID OF YOU FOR REAL AND CHRISTMAS WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN SO LET ME GO HOME OR ELSE I WILL EAT YOU FOR REAL AND CHRISTMAS WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN SO I WISH I WAS RIGHT AT MY HOME SWEET HOME RIGHT NOW.
Santa: I can't tell you that, but Santa maintains his naughty and nice list (now computerized, by the way), with the help of all the elves who keep track of each person -- you probably aren't even aware they are around you, but elves have a special way of keeping an eye on you. Sometimes if you look quickly enough you *might* catch one peering in a window or around a corner, but you would have to be very fast and very good!
You: NO NOT THE ELVES IF THEY COME TO ME I WILL GET RID OF THEM AND THEN GET RID OF YOU SO KEEP ELVES AWAY FROM ME. PLEASE LET ME RETURN TO MY HOME SWEET HOME AND WHERE I LIVE RIGHT NOW.
Santa: Are you serious? If not that, what? At this moment Thanks for asking politely. Go ahead, , try to RETURN TO his or her HOME SWEET HOME AND WHERE he or she LIVE.
You: Okay, goodbye Santa Claus. It was nice meeting you. I will never forget you. Please let me return to my home sweet home and where I live right now Santa Claus and I am praying to God that I will never ever see you again for the rest of my life.
Santa: Yeah okay, Thanks for chatting, .Nice meeting you too. Why not?
You: Cuz I REALLY GOTTA GO HOME RIGHT NOW BYE BYE EVERYBODY!
Santa: Interesting explanation. You really do? Bye. What do you really want to ask me?
You: I would like to ask you WHEN I CAN LEAVE YOUR CHAT ROOM AND GO HOME RIGHT NOW
Santa: At this moment Why would you want to do ask you WHEN he or she CAN LEAVE YOUR CHAT ROOM AND GO HOME? Ask me. Oh you can, can you?
You: Cuz I REALLY GOTTA GO HOME RIGHT NOW BYE BYE EVERYBODY!
Santa: That makes sense to me. You really do? Bye. Are you free?
You: Yes, I am free from your chat room. Goodbye Santa Claus. It was nice meeting you. I will never forget you. Please let me return to my home sweet home and where I live right now Santa Claus and I am praying to God that I will never ever see you again for the rest of my life.
Santa: Wow! I am glad that we are both free. Nice meeting you too, Scotland. Goodbye.
ericthenau: And that is what happened when Scotland and Santa Claus chatted on the Internet.
FIN
Copryright 2007 by ericthenau