[Koshibou]

So, due to my mom's attack at me for drinking tea and her reasoning being that 'It's addictive', I went searching for a true problem within society... Something that truly is addictive where, once hooked, a single being may feel that he/she must take this substance/action to the point where he/she may feel that they will die if they do otherwise.

My studies, at first, led me down the track of 'sleeping' but I soon came across something much bigger..

OXYGEN

While most of you may be unaware of it, your life relies on this substance.

YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH OF ADDICTS AND WILL GO TO HELL IF YOU DO NOT TRY AND FIX THIS..

So, I have decided to start a 'rehabilitation center' to propose other alternatives. But first, we'll go over the actual problems.

Q: How do I know if I'm an oxygen addict?

A: It's a simple, do it yourself, process to test whether or not you are. All you have to do is hold your mouth and nose shut and see if you can last. The second take another breath, you know you're addicted.

Q: How addicting is this substance?

A: The moment you take your first breath, you're pretty much screwed. The first mouthful of oxygen you take cause you to take another, then another, then another. You will even do it in your sleep!

Now, here's a few alternatives for you addicts out there.

1. We can switch you over to other gases which will cure your addiction. We suggest methene or some other poisonous gases. This both cures your addiction and ensures you don't make another.

2. Stick your head under water.

3. We all start wearing plastic bags over our heads.

If none of these will be followed, we will ship out the entire earth's population and dump them in out of space where they will be forced to give up their oxygen addiction.

Also, any births from here on in shall be done underwater. As long as the child never takes his/her first breath of this substance, they should be fine.


Well, that's all we've got for today. We shall answer any questions. Just remember that:

OSAMA BIN LADEN and HITLER were both OXYGEN BREATHERS

Help us in saving this damned world from oxygen!

[Parax]

I can vouch that I personally am addicted to oxygen; every day I have to constantly breath in order to satisfy my addiction. I'm continually surrounded by it and I can't help feeling like there is no way except breathing. Research shows that people who breath oxygen will, sooner or later, die. Thankfully the International Oxygen Rehabilitation Center came along, and now I'm looking into a number of alternatives to cure my addiction! I urge you all to do the same!

[Ring Rush]

I'm not addicted I just choose not to stop.


"YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH OF ADDICTS AND WILL GO TO HELL IF YOU DO NOT TRY AND FIX THIS."
Passage or bust.

You argue that this addiction to Oxygen is terrible, but why? Just because it is an addiction? By that logic, an addiction to alcohol is bad, but that allows police to get jobs and takes some smog producing cars off the road. It also helps prevent overpopulation.

In conclusion, your argument is fundamentally flawed.

[Parax]

You argue that this addiction to Oxygen is terrible, but why? Just because it is an addiction? By that logic, an addiction to alcohol is bad, but that allows police to get jobs and takes some smog producing cars off the road. It also helps prevent overpopulation.

killing people is good too :D

[Taillow]

WHAT!?!  What do you think I am, some sort of grass/flying type?  I'm no tropius!  I can't breathe carbon dioxide <_<

(By the way this is hilarious.  Especially the Osama and Hitler part.)

[Koshibou]

(Glad someone likes it x) )

[Luxray]

I rofl'd. I breathed D:. Thus i am an addict. We must spread this campaign to the world!

[P.P.A.]

Hey, kid. Yeah, you. Want to breathe some sweet oxygen? Here, I have this fine Do-It-Yourself kit; all you need to do is take this plant, put it in the sunlight and wat- Ah damn, it's the cops, gotta run now!

[Koshibou]

Hey, kid. Yeah, you. Want to breathe some sweet oxygen? Here, I have this fine Do-It-Yourself kit; all you need to do is take this plant, put it in the sunlight and wat- Ah damn, it's the cops, gotta run now!

Dealing oxygen is not cool man!

(And it's even more uncool to actually BUY it <.<)

[EngiNerd]

It also helps prevent overpopulation.

I'd argue alcohol more helps prevent UNDERpopulation...

* Minus the Antiporcupine ducks

[Aitamen]

It also helps prevent overpopulation.

I'd argue alcohol more helps prevent UNDERpopulation...

* Minus the Antiporcupine ducks

Alcohol: Getting lame people laid since 65,000BC

Also, people get high off of lack of oxygen...  and can be addicted to it, depending on who they are...

go go damned-if-you-do-scenario!

[Koshibou]

Recent studies show that there are people and animals that have been around for hundreds or even thousands of years without the use of oxygen. This society continues to grow and even have their own locations. You can find them at places such as your local cemetery! Perhaps we should go for a field trip to find out just how they manage this lifestyle?

[EngiNerd]

Recent studies show that there are people and animals that have been around for hundreds or even thousands of years without the use of oxygen. This society continues to grow and even have their own locations. You can find them at places such as your local cemetery! Perhaps we should go for a field trip to find out just how they manage this lifestyle?

JOYN TEH ZOMBEE HORDE

[Koshibou]

So, we have now established a phone number for a number of states that anyone can call if they ever have an overdose on oxygen or simply needs some help coping with their addiction.

For Australian residents call:

0419317446

For those in Los Angeles call:

310-735-0099 

New York:

212-660-2245

and there are many more! Just tell us which state you live in and we'll add the number for your convenience!

[P.P.A.]

The state I live in is Rhineland-Palatine. :(

[Cutiefox]

Mm, I do believe there should be a number for 'Scansin, I know a shitload of people who need it! *glares at heavy-breathing brothers*

[Luxray]

PPA: We don't really want to help the german population. They can cure themselves.

Cutiefox: Unfortunatly we don't have a line for your requested place, but we will look into it. I'm not sure if you can call another line, with simply adding the area code.. I will look into it.

[Aitamen]

it's just the rejection hotline... you can totally look up the recording online, if you're so curious...

And yes, I have these numbers memorized, because I hand them out like candy to idiots.